Leave the Umbrella

As I contemplated beginning this blog, it took me an enormous amount of time and thought - very deep thought - about what I wanted it to convey and consequently, how to title it. When I reflect on my life at 35 years old, I cannot ignore the trials I have had to endure, as a child, a young adult and as a wife and mother. Yes, there will always be those who have had it worse than I, this I know, and this blog is not meant to trivialize those who have had to face unthinkable things in their life. But my life is just that, my life. And like anyone else, my experiences have been mine, good, bad and ugly.

If there is anything that I have learned thus far, it is that life is not just about dancing in the rain and enduring life's storms. But it's more about making myself vulnerable enough to leave the umbrella inside and feel the rain drops on my face. It's about facing the emotions of those trials and using those emotions to learn about who I am at the deepest core of my being; Not the person my mom and dad tried to raise, not the mother the parenting magazines say I should be, and not even the wife and woman the people at church say I am supposed to be. For so many years, I buried emotions and justified my choices, never completely understanding my own motivation, let alone having a deep understanding of my own values.

I suppose you could say that this blog is a paradigm shift in the making. I want to expereince life based on the idea of my mind, body and spirit being in sync with oneanother. I want to FEEL every one of my life expereinces, past and present, and not just "endure" the tough times. I want to be alert and aware of what each moment of each day means. I want to appreciate the little moments, embrace the big ones and live life to it's fullest. And part of that means leaving my umbrella inside.